It had gotten better for a while. Contentment came easy. I thought I had a handle on it.
Then suddenly the longing hit. And hit hard.
I had forgotten just how hard you can ache for it. To paraphrase a line from Facing the Giants, “How can I miss someone so much whom I have never met?”
I’ve blogged about it often during the eleven months I’ve been blogging. The longing for marriage comes in spurts. I blogged about one of my favorite songs . It’s going to happen soon. I believe it will. But soon just isn’t enough.
Several of my dear friends have had the desires of their hearts finally given to them. And I have rejoiced with them as only a hopeless romantic can. I have had the priviledge of watching love grow in my friends’ lives, hearing about the first romantic words spoken to them, and my “foolish heart” flutters along with them.
I don’t want to stop that. I don’t want them to stop that. I want to continue to revel in their budding romance with them. But along with the rejoicing, that niggling longing comes back. I want that, too!
I know there’s someone somewhere,
Someone who’s sure to find me soon.
Soon. Lord, I know it’s soon. But soon isn’t soon enough. Why can’t it be now?
Love, can you hear me?
If you’re near me
Sing your song
Sure and strong
God has promised. And what he has promised, he will do. I have seen this in my friends’ lives. Rejoiced in the absolutely providential circumstances. God gave them the desires of their heart.
And he will do the same for me.
In HIS timing.
The ache is there. Reminding me that I cannot be content without His help and His strength.
“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”–1 Corinthians 12:9-10
God is going to be glorified when my own Superman finally comes. I am going to KNOW that this is it. Because GOD was the one the brought it together in HIS timing. And I can say that He was the only one to give me strength through this difficult time of waiting. I want the Lord to get all the glory in my life. And I am so eagerly anticipating the miraculous love story that he has written for me and the wonderful man somewhere out there who is exceedingly, abundantly above all I could ever in my finite imagination ever, ever ask or think.
And then, soon, it won’t be just pretend.
Soon, a happy ending!